September 10, 2005
Through Gritted 'White Teeth'
You know how some couples have a list of famous people that either is allowed to have an illicit affair with because they have had a crush on them since they were 12 and the chances of actually meetings them, striking up some chemistry and getting them into bed are about as rare as rocking horse poo?
Well, I am a single girl and I can sleep with any of my celeb crushes that care to (please form an orderly queue, you know who you are). But, I am a proud optimist and wannabe Taoist who tries to see the good in people and never ever judges a book by its cover, so I have instead my ‘tell them like it is’ list that I have made with my 'good versus bad karma' conscience. I have a list of famous people that I am allowed to take to one side and berate like a banshee should I get the chance to meet them, even though I know nothing about them other than what I have read in Chat or Heat magazine.
The list doesn’t alter much (I do strive to see the good in people after all) so it was quite something when, this morning, Zadie Smith came crashing in at number one, toppling Robbie Williams off the top spot, thanks to her comments about us English folk. On explaining why she disliked us so much, Ms Smith told an American magazine (that’s brave isn’t it) "It's the way people look at each other on the train - just general stupidity, madness, vulgarity, stupid TV shows, aspirational arseholes, money everywhere”. Perhaps she should use her much lauded empathy and keen observation to realize that most of us work a boring 9 to 5 and squeeze ourselves onto an overstuffed train only to read over someone's shoulder that some jumped-up flavour of the month just called us all arseholes – what no smiles on the Central line today?
What I find most fascinating about her comments is the statement "When I think of England now I just think about the England that I loved, and it's just gone," Hang on there, this isn’t some 85 year old banging on the about the good old days, this is a 30 year old. An 85 year old can legitimately argue that life was better in a bygone age, there is validity in the fact that you didn’t have to lock your doors, you knew your postman and had lashings of blitz spirit. I am happy with that, life is very different, you have a right to compare and contrast, I’m all ears. But I am fortunate in that I do not have to use a writers skill or a Cambridge degree in order to put myself in Zadie’s place, we are both 30, grew up in north London and, it would seem, like a rant. So what exactly was it about the 80’s and 90’s that was so appealing? What are you wistfully thinking we have lost? The term ‘yuppie’ and conspicuous consumption? Black Ash flatpack wardrobes and the launch of TVam?
Zadie, good luck for the Booker but don’t expect too many smiles on the train the next time you are home and watch out for an eternal optimist with a 'get out of jail free' karma card. (By the way, that was the most cheerful picture I could find of Zadie. Enjoying your glare Zadie?)